I have just learned on the digital superhighway that there is a South Korean boyband called BTS (it probably stands for Broody Tellible Songs) and they’ve been “going” for six years. I don’t like to say on a family show like this where I’d like them to go, but tonight I watched and listened as they sang their smash hit ‘Idol’ (pronounced Eyeyah-Dorrrr), and I think I may need some counselling as a result of it. In fact, it may take a serious course of ECT to erase BTS completely from my already fragile mind. BTS are, dear reader, a cast-iron case for Kim Jong Un being allowed to invade South Korea and do away with all free expression of the performing arts.

There are seven of them, and so far I’ve yet to find any two with the same colour of hair. On stage, they resemble a fusion of…