Reliable sources inform me that Gary Lineker is Ready to Lead as Prime Minister if required, despite the huge pay-cut this would involve. And although the emerging plans for a Government of National Unity seem so far to display a considerable amount of disunity about who will be doing what, there is a growing consensus that the Cabinet members being touted are solidly unified by one factor: the ability to live, breathe and prosper in a bubble of their own creation.

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There is a certain cunning from the GNU crowd in trying once and for all to lay adventurist populism to rest by assembling a collection of stunningly unpopular hasbeens. The stunts are indeed cunning, as other Spoonerisms are stunning. One thinks of Harriet Harman and Ken Clarke having a heated debate in Cabinet, and the old fags-marketeer-to-the-Third-World saying “Yes dear” in a wonderfully archaic act of condescension.

But…